Real Modern Man

No Excuses

Some guys are more comfortable using what can be considered “excuse” type openers. Whether that be making a situational comment, asking her a question or looking for an “opinion”. Although these social openers are low risk and rarely lead to rejection, it still makes it pretty vague as to why you are coming over to start a conversation with her.

No Tension

I know some guys still think this ambiguity is a good thing.  It’s better if she is wondering about your intentions, right? Actually, not really. That’s because there is almost no tension when you start a conversation this way. It’s way too comfortable for her right from the start. Most times after your initial comment and subsequent thread runs its course, the interaction fizzles out. On the other hand, using very direct openers (ie. you are absolutely stunning!) can also be hit or miss.

As such, I usually choose the middle ground. For example, my favorite way to start a conversation is ”Hey, you looked interesting. I figured I would come over and introduce myself.” This line is delivered seductively but slightly aloof. Yes I want to meet her but I’m not completely won over yet.

This opener obviously creates some tension but it’s not so over the top that it’s awkward. It doesn’t box you in. You can still be a challenge and she still has to qualify. In fact, by adding that she “looked interesting” most women will want to stay consistent with that and try to live up to your initial perception of them. In other words, qualify to you.

Quick Tip

I know it can be hard for some guys to build-up enough confidence to walk over and simply introduce themselves to a beautiful woman. And some guys just can’t do it at all. They feel much more comfortable with the comment, question or opinion format  for starting conversations. So for them I recommend making a situational comment and then following that up by stating their intention.

Example

Indirect - situational comment:  looks like you are really enjoying that book, is that something I should be reading?

Her: actually it’s really funny! I can’t stop laughing.

Direct – state intention: well you looked interesting, so I thought I would come over and introduce myself.

Making a situational comment first and then stating your intention is helpful for many reasons. The main one being nervous guys can calibrate if they want to state their intention or not based on her initial response. For example, if you make a comment and she basically ignores you, you probably wouldn’t follow that up with “I wanted to come over and introduce myself”. This format lets guys experiment being direct with less risk.

Add a Spark

Stating your intention that you wanted to meet her adds a little spark to the beginning of your conversations. Women get a bit nervous. Her heart starts beating faster. She starts fidgeting. All really good things!

It’s just like online dating sites. Everyone on the site is only there for one reason. When you get a “wink” or send a girl a message they know exactly what the deal is. It’s not a mystery. You are not there to ask questions or make comments. As such, there is a certain excitement and tension women feel when they get a message from you. Even if it IS just a random comment. There is always anticipation that this comment could lead to something.

If you think letting a woman know that you wanted to meet her gives her the upper hand, think again. Remember, contacting women on dating sites doesn’t stop guys from being challenging or even qualifying them. Even though she assumes they must be interested. These guys are taking advantage of the built-in excitement that comes when someone is interested in you.  People like people who like them.

When you stay completely vague about why you came over to talk, women won’t register the interaction as anything to be excited about. She can relax. She will stop listening and lose interest. She will play with her phone and start looking around. That’s because she really does think you are just “being social” or you were just making a comment. Even if she eventually realizes you probably came over to talk to her, she isn’t going to give you any points for having confidence. She will think you were scared so you made up an excuse. By this point it’s too late anyway. She is too comfortable with you.

State Your Intention

Add some sparks to your interactions by stating your intention. Tell her you came over because you wanted to meet her. If you still feel more comfortable opening with a situational comment, then make sure ”I wanted to meet you” is the second thing you say.

~ 60 Years of Challenge

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