Real Modern Man

AUDIO NOW LIVE!!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Learn about the Power of Paradox, in every facet of life!
• Learn how to handle the awesome power of words with skill
• Hear how a man can create a “safe container” for a woman
• What is the appropriate level of flirting with other women when you’re in a monogamous relationship
• How Zan and I flirt with women of all shapes, sizes ages
• Find out about masculine intent and why this is such an important trait to women
• The conclusion to don Juan de Castaneda on Power

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 47:07 — 43.2MB)

AUDIO NOW LIVE!!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• The secrets of Seductive Neurochemistry, revealed!
• A business tip for the recession: how you can offer the same level of service to your customers while cutting costs at the same time
• Learn how men and women get sexually aroused differently from each other
• Find out things you can do immediately, today, to make women start to rate you as more physically attractive
• Learn the two, crucial keys to profitable decision making in life
• Learn about how your diet can affect your spiritual, emotional and physical bodies in very powerful and insidious ways
• Hear about the absolute joy of life that can come through meditation practice
• You cannot change a person, but you can change how they interact with you. Find out how, right now!
• When should a woman finally dump a man? Here’s how she can find out what do to!
• The First Enemy of Knowledge is Fear, the second enemy is Clarity. Find out the Third Enemy to becoming a Man of Knowledge!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (0.0KB)

 

 

I am really excited about today’s show. Today I frankly discuss sensitive topics such as fidelity, cheating, commitment, and becoming a man of knowledge. I’ve always been fascinated with learning, ever since I was a little boy. I am a jack of all trades and know a good amount about a lot of diverse topics. At the age of 34, after a divorce and yet another failed romantic relationship, I realized that although I had always been fascinated by women, I knew absolutely nothing about them. My father was an astute businessman and popular with his peers, and yet right up until his death in 1998 he would continuously complain about his wife (my stepmom). I could never understand why he chose to stay with a woman who he claimed made him so miserable. Finally, in late 2003, I started on my journey to find out all the answers. This show is about what I’ve learned from hard-won experience and from many other wise men and women. 

AUDIO NOW LIVE!!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Learn exactly when and how you should pay for things on dates with women
• How can you decide if marriage or commitment is right for you, as a man? 
• Learn the real-life skills you must learn, in advance, in order to be an attractive lover, boyfriend, husband or father
• Learn how to choose the right wife!
• Does making a commitment mean you are never allowed to break it? Find out the truth!
• Is your girlfriend cheating? I tell you exactly what you need to know
• Learn the number one mistake men make when responding to a woman’s demands for commitment
• An interesting article on Race Depriest from The Art of Charm
• The first enemy of knowledge is Fear, which we discussed on the last show. The second enemy is Clarity

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 31:51 — 29.2MB)

Occasionally, I run across posts from a men who feel “disrespected” by their girlfriends. In this case, the man was following his girlfriend around, and becoming increasingly agitated that she wasn’t paying attention to him:

The worst example was one time when she was like “Let’s go get ice cream at XXXX”. Turns out her coworker works there and that’s why she wanted to go. They ended up gossiping at the counter for 45 minutes while I just stood there occasionally adding comments.

My reply follows.

First point: you chose to stand there. She didn’t hold a gun to your head. You could have easily chosen to leave.

Now, rich description: “Yes, ice cream. I’m having the strawberry today. Something about the color red moves me. Actually, I saw this woman today. I think she was a model, because of the way she walked, like she was on the runway, in her tight knee length skirt, it was blood red. And wool, definitely. Very rich. I wonder what she is doing here in our town. Perhaps we will see her at the ice cream parlor. I will introduce you to her.”

In my experience, most emotionally healthy, well-socialized women *love* these kinds of little fantasy stories. But you can’t go from 0 to 60 all at once. Start slowly. Just a sentence or two with emotionally interesting content.

I like adding lots of nice touch when I tell these little stories. Makes her body feel good, to go along with the images in her mind’s eye. This is not a “technique,” by the way. It’s a gift of your attention to appreciate her femininity. If you try to “manipulate” her emotions in this way, you better have bulletproof frame, including the ability to stand your ground as a manipulator. But that’s so unnecessary. Just choose women choosing you and appreciate them for the unique charm they bring into your life.

Rich descriptions are really just free association, stream of consciousness descriptions of emotional states. The words used in rich descriptions are to create the emotional state in you, whence you are much better able to share this emotion with the woman.

Another other thing you can do is simply be friendly to everyone you meet, especially when you are out with her. Men, women, children, dogs, cats, etc. Don’t approach in supplication to “prove” something to your girlfriend, simply be open to being approached. Animals and children are excellent gauges. They will dismiss with contempt anyone supplicating to them, regardless of their social rank. And children and animals will approach, in time, anyone who is cool, calm, mellow and indifferent, again, regardless of social rank. Adults are similar. George Clooney is beloved because he has no more respect for social rank than to treat people, all people, like fundamentally decent human beings. Be George.

When you’re standing in line (queued up), open the person next to you. Doesn’t matter who they are. Talk about the weather. Anything. Doesn’t matter. In fact, subject matter, words, topic of conversation is irrelevant to the underlying _social_ charge. With women, this social charge can be sexual. With men it can be instant social respect: game peeps game. You and your peers will know each other instantly. When you’re making an instant friendship with the coolest guy in a place, or better, when he is working for it with you, that’s demonstration in a big way.

When you have this kind of social ability, when you wander off because your girlfriend is ignoring you, she’ll be running after you shortly to find out where you’re going, what you’re doing, and who you’re talking to.

By the way, bad boys don’t explain. Don’t tell her you’re wandering off. Just do it. In most situations like yours, explanation *is* supplication. It shouldn’t be. Explanation should be simple common courtesy. But, it’s not, so deal with it.

Revisiting the ice cream parlor… whenever you find yourself in a position where you do NOT act because of potential drama, you MUST act. In those situation, relish the drama. Spoil for the fight if that’s what it comes down to. I get very little drama in my relationship because I 1. don’t induce it unnecessarily, and 2. will do step up for the emotional throw down, no problem.

Your issue here is you. Not her. She may not be the girl for you, but you don’t have to dump her, or cause drama. You just do what you want to do, she will either get with the program, or not. No hard feelings.

 

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 30:09 — 27.6MB)

---

NOTE: First published on Applied Romance. Updated for publication on Real Modern Man.

---

In my experience, men who take the hard road to mastery with women represent a very small percentage of men. Typically, these men, including most of you reading these words, are on average higher than normal intelligence, with higher than average education. A very large number of you are technically proficient in one or more areas of high technology.

So how do you share your world, your passions with the women in your life? In short, what’s the best way to show off?

How most men show off

Most men seek approval or understanding. They subcommunicate “I hope you think I’m smart.” This is a total buzzkill for the woman. Sure, your latest advance in first person shooter technoology might set the gaming world on it’s ear. But unless your woman is a coder or a mathematician, she simply is not going to appreciate the material. All that logic, that abstraction and precision. So cold. So boring. So don’t do it.

And if you are looking for her approval for your cleverness (which always feels good), how is she supposed to approve of something she doesn’t understand?

In fact, you don’t need her approval.

But you do need to include her. And here’s how.

Share your passion with her instead

When you call your woman over to brag about how well you put that Holley 4 barrel carburetor back together (”Look, only 3 pieces left over!”), don’t share facts, share emotions.

Tell her how great it feels when you finally red point that 5.11c overhang.

Use Franco’s Rich Descriptions to paint a vivid picture in her mind, a detailed picture of emotional and physical sensation.

Bring her in close.

While you are describing your achievement, touch her hands. Stroke her hair. Kiss her on the cheek. Hug her.

Let her feel your good feelings in her body.

There is no need for her to intellectually understand your effort. If she feels the need for intellectual understanding, she is likely smart enough to figure it out on her own, without your help. But she will appreciate that what you do is important to you, that it makes you happy, and that you share that happiness with her. And that’s the key: when you’re happy, she’ll be happy.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 37:14 — 34.1MB)

Steve Pavlina gives us some really good field experience with email, from one of his recent posts:

Some of those emails were very flirtatious; however, I’m unable to read anything into them. For any individual woman, I can’t tell if she’s just being friendly and playful, if she’s trying to open a dialog because she’s interested in becoming friends or playmates, if she’s baiting and teasing me, or if she’s just probing me to see how I react. With face-to-face interactions where I can read body language and tone of voice, I have a much better shot of getting an accurate read, but with a plain email from someone I may not know that well… there’s just no way.

Steve has it more or less correct.

But in fact, a woman may be doing all of these things at once!

And not just in email, she may do the same thing face-to-face…

Mixed messages… the art of the feminine

A lot of men have serious trouble handling mixed messages. They want it straight out:

“What is she really thinking?”

Well, the answer to that could be either (or both) of the following:

• She’s thinking several things all at the same time, or
• she doesn’t know what she’s thinking.

As a man who appreciates women, when you don’t know whether she is flirting, or teasing, or just probing, you know that she is giving you an opportunity to step up and lead your interaction with her. Don’t think about what she wants, think about what you want, and put out your best offer.

It’s always Win-Win for you!

Steve’s a really smart guy. If you read his writing, you will see that he “does what he does” and doesn’t worry over much whether other people have a big problem with him. This works really well with situations he describes above: when you don’t have a clear idea what she is thinking, you “do what you do” and don’t worry about it.

In my experience, when you’re willing to “do what you do” with confidence and integrity you’ll provide the emotional leadership required for the interactions you desire. And if not, you will gain the respect due to a man living his life in his own way.

This means that mixed messages are a gift from her to you. She “doesn’t know what she feels,” so step up! Take charge of your own desires, she’ll be either “in” or “out,” and if she’s “in,” she’s in solid! If she’s out, you know you don’t have to spend any more time thinking about her.