Real Modern Man

Here’s a cool NY Times article I got from my former girlfriend DZ. At this very moment, I feel the this article is the absolute best article I’ve ever read in the mainstream media about any relationship, either married or similarly committed: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear. When Laura Munson’s husband told her: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.” she refused to cower in insecurity, shame and emotional devastation:

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

I was prepared to dislike this article intensely, because it felt like it was setting up to be yet another man-bashing diatribe about how great women are and how much men suck. “Everyone knows” that “men suck in relationships,” even though the majority of breakups are instigated by women.

But no, Mrs. Munson loves her husband deeply and was prepared to go the distance with him.

Read what she does: as long as he isn’t materially destroying his family, she stands out of his way and lets him deal with himself as best he can. On his own time line. In his own way. Without prying. Without accountability.

I’m sure she was curious. She had to have been. I’m sure her imagination ran wild, she even hints at it: drugs, women… but she bridles herself. She lets the situation play out.

Who knows? Maybe Mr. Munson went out and partied for a couple of months. Found some loose women. Whatever.

As it turns out, he was sensible enough NOT to let whatever he was “up to” materially affect his family… and when he came back… he was fully present.

So what do think?

Is this future of modern love? Or is this a return to traditional values?

I think it’s both.

In today’s society, temptation surrounds us in ways we are genetically barely able to cope with. But our times aren’t unique. Different eras of history, even in Western Culture, have had radically different mores concerning men and women in marriage and “related” relationships. In fact, the Victorian era morality still prevalent at least in the USA is historically aberrant!

So yes, I believe it represents an excellent future for modern love… and return to much more sensible values than promulgated by Victorian moralists.

 

AUDIO NOW LIVE!!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Hear about our invitation to post your articles right here on this blog
• How to know the balance between showing too much jealousy or too much indifference
• What Sperm Wars teaches us about male competition for females, and how you should handle this
• Learn how and why women are both selective and sometimes-promiscuous and what this says about your girlfriend
• Learn the fascinating science behind Fighter Sperm Cells and how your woman’s words and actions are directly causing the production of these within your testicles!
• Why it’s more biologically-profitable for a woman to be vague and implicit about the other men in her life as opposed to explicit
• The book The Lifestyle by Terry Gould discusses the real-life implications in couples with regards to Sperm Wars
• Jealousy and Boredom are polar extremes around a balanced and hot relationship. Learn how to play with that balance!
• How you can use Social Proof to increase fading attraction within your relationship
• Don Juan teaches men like you and me deep things about knowledge and power

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 28:25 — 26.0MB)

 

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NOTE: First published on Applied Romance. Updated for publication on Real Modern Man.

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In my experience, men who take the hard road to mastery with women represent a very small percentage of men. Typically, these men, including most of you reading these words, are on average higher than normal intelligence, with higher than average education. A very large number of you are technically proficient in one or more areas of high technology.

So how do you share your world, your passions with the women in your life? In short, what’s the best way to show off?

How most men show off

Most men seek approval or understanding. They subcommunicate “I hope you think I’m smart.” This is a total buzzkill for the woman. Sure, your latest advance in first person shooter technoology might set the gaming world on it’s ear. But unless your woman is a coder or a mathematician, she simply is not going to appreciate the material. All that logic, that abstraction and precision. So cold. So boring. So don’t do it.

And if you are looking for her approval for your cleverness (which always feels good), how is she supposed to approve of something she doesn’t understand?

In fact, you don’t need her approval.

But you do need to include her. And here’s how.

Share your passion with her instead

When you call your woman over to brag about how well you put that Holley 4 barrel carburetor back together (”Look, only 3 pieces left over!”), don’t share facts, share emotions.

Tell her how great it feels when you finally red point that 5.11c overhang.

Use Franco’s Rich Descriptions to paint a vivid picture in her mind, a detailed picture of emotional and physical sensation.

Bring her in close.

While you are describing your achievement, touch her hands. Stroke her hair. Kiss her on the cheek. Hug her.

Let her feel your good feelings in her body.

There is no need for her to intellectually understand your effort. If she feels the need for intellectual understanding, she is likely smart enough to figure it out on her own, without your help. But she will appreciate that what you do is important to you, that it makes you happy, and that you share that happiness with her. And that’s the key: when you’re happy, she’ll be happy.

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