Real Modern Man

Occasionally, I run across posts from a men who feel “disrespected” by their girlfriends. In this case, the man was following his girlfriend around, and becoming increasingly agitated that she wasn’t paying attention to him:

The worst example was one time when she was like “Let’s go get ice cream at XXXX”. Turns out her coworker works there and that’s why she wanted to go. They ended up gossiping at the counter for 45 minutes while I just stood there occasionally adding comments.

My reply follows.

First point: you chose to stand there. She didn’t hold a gun to your head. You could have easily chosen to leave.

Now, rich description: “Yes, ice cream. I’m having the strawberry today. Something about the color red moves me. Actually, I saw this woman today. I think she was a model, because of the way she walked, like she was on the runway, in her tight knee length skirt, it was blood red. And wool, definitely. Very rich. I wonder what she is doing here in our town. Perhaps we will see her at the ice cream parlor. I will introduce you to her.”

In my experience, most emotionally healthy, well-socialized women *love* these kinds of little fantasy stories. But you can’t go from 0 to 60 all at once. Start slowly. Just a sentence or two with emotionally interesting content.

I like adding lots of nice touch when I tell these little stories. Makes her body feel good, to go along with the images in her mind’s eye. This is not a “technique,” by the way. It’s a gift of your attention to appreciate her femininity. If you try to “manipulate” her emotions in this way, you better have bulletproof frame, including the ability to stand your ground as a manipulator. But that’s so unnecessary. Just choose women choosing you and appreciate them for the unique charm they bring into your life.

Rich descriptions are really just free association, stream of consciousness descriptions of emotional states. The words used in rich descriptions are to create the emotional state in you, whence you are much better able to share this emotion with the woman.

Another other thing you can do is simply be friendly to everyone you meet, especially when you are out with her. Men, women, children, dogs, cats, etc. Don’t approach in supplication to “prove” something to your girlfriend, simply be open to being approached. Animals and children are excellent gauges. They will dismiss with contempt anyone supplicating to them, regardless of their social rank. And children and animals will approach, in time, anyone who is cool, calm, mellow and indifferent, again, regardless of social rank. Adults are similar. George Clooney is beloved because he has no more respect for social rank than to treat people, all people, like fundamentally decent human beings. Be George.

When you’re standing in line (queued up), open the person next to you. Doesn’t matter who they are. Talk about the weather. Anything. Doesn’t matter. In fact, subject matter, words, topic of conversation is irrelevant to the underlying _social_ charge. With women, this social charge can be sexual. With men it can be instant social respect: game peeps game. You and your peers will know each other instantly. When you’re making an instant friendship with the coolest guy in a place, or better, when he is working for it with you, that’s demonstration in a big way.

When you have this kind of social ability, when you wander off because your girlfriend is ignoring you, she’ll be running after you shortly to find out where you’re going, what you’re doing, and who you’re talking to.

By the way, bad boys don’t explain. Don’t tell her you’re wandering off. Just do it. In most situations like yours, explanation *is* supplication. It shouldn’t be. Explanation should be simple common courtesy. But, it’s not, so deal with it.

Revisiting the ice cream parlor… whenever you find yourself in a position where you do NOT act because of potential drama, you MUST act. In those situation, relish the drama. Spoil for the fight if that’s what it comes down to. I get very little drama in my relationship because I 1. don’t induce it unnecessarily, and 2. will do step up for the emotional throw down, no problem.

Your issue here is you. Not her. She may not be the girl for you, but you don’t have to dump her, or cause drama. You just do what you want to do, she will either get with the program, or not. No hard feelings.