Real Modern Man

I just have reads David news letter on demonstration.

I think you have a very good point here, about demonstration. I can see it is clearly that it is about doing and not explaining, some time a man has do what he does. In fact it is healthy part of a man to be doing his things and not explaining. If you open with your partner about what you like doing, she would not need any explanation.  However she might ask for an explanation and this could be seen as some sort of shit test. You could just say I'm doing my thing.

   The example you gave, about giving up a date was a good example, this demonstrated that she is not everything and that you have your own world and values. Woman do not like the idea, even though they might express so, that they are the center of your universe. Subconsciously she whats to see the man with in, and the man with in, is what a man love doing. So demonstration is showing your women who you are and stressing that you are not needy for her. Even if she will say differently, subconsciously she does not what you to change, if she does your relationship is beginning to see the first signs that its on the way out

    Currently I am in a long term relationship which has been going on for about 10 months. We both talk a lot about  male roles and female roles, and that its my job to bring out the woman in her, and lead the relationship, in the direction I see fit. However the other night, I noticed some old nice guy behavior creeping in, and one was explaining, the other was giving up on an idea to be with my woman and the last one was  giving a unecessary gift. Lucky for me I caught the big one in time, stopping, and the other two I pasted them over, by remember not to do them again.

The first was I brought some wine for are evening together, this sounds harmless. However it  is something that I normally do not do, I have maybe done on one occasion, and that was champagne and  I think was  her birthday.  This time it was not right, she always has wine in the house, and she never expects me too, she know how tight I am, I'm the guy who forgets the visa card when taking her out. But what made it worse was that I explained why I brought it! I let that slip by, and moved into the evening playing the man by leading the evening.Which she likes.

The next slip I made, was nearly telling her why I might not go on a 10 day meditation retreat, I nearly  said,  it was the thought of not seeing you for the next 10days.  What a loud of shit that answer would of been. That was poor reasoning I have other, they do not have to be explained.

This would have been a big pit full, explaining and being being needy, what the fuck I was thinking. I know in my relationship I do not have to explain and I know she likes me doing the things I like doing, as she says she love the man who is glowing of energy in doing what he likes doing, and that's the man she loves fucking senseless.

Solutionsman

Excuses!

The subject of nice guy explaining, or better said, social conditioning, or learnt behavior creeping into the real modern man's behavior, is a interesting topic.

David talked about Victorian values of politeness, said such behavior is like asking to be excused from the dinning table like a good boy should. Its about asking permission but why should when we are adult men.

But the topic is not just about explaining, as talking to girlfriend on the subject she said it is fine to explain, as it is nice to know, but you do not have to excuse your self or come up with some excuses for what you are doing is not needed.

The word explain can be defined as to make plain or clear in what one is doing. When the word excuse is defined as to serve as an apology, or justification pardon, or to forgive for which one does. You could say that explaining is to do what one is doing, and an excuses is what one does with moral reasoning behind it.

Is there anything wrong with David asking to get the mail? It sounds like he is explaining what he does, but seem to me that David feels it is more an unnecessary politeness. Because this behavior is moral valued based like an excuses he has learnt some as a child.

The question is do we have to excuse are self to are lover or do we explain.? I think the answer comes up when my girl friend says excuses are not needed. If you take the word needed and change it to neediness we begin to get the picture. The behavior neediness which is creeping in, you could say that we are approval seeking. This is not the behavior a real modern man is seeking, he is a leader, a man that knows what he wants, and does not do it for a approval.

I believe you do not have to explain until she asks, and it the same with your girl friend, she does not have to come up with excuses, its an explanation. As we are two very busy people with busy life style, it not always possible to meet up, and it should not be an apology.

You guys out there be strong and stop playing the little boy with in, bring the man out and just do because you do; and try to find out and stop that neediness or approval seeking behavior. And weed out that social conditioning or childhood programming.

Solutioinsman