Real Modern Man

I've been giving the whole concept of “Alphaness” some thought lately, trying to figure out what it means in terms of relationship management.

I think I have reached some conclusions:

Most people will confuse “Being Alpha” with being “Good with women”.

And it is easy to see why: when someone comes to realmodernman.com or any other seduction website, they have a pretty straightforward goal: learn how to pick up girls (or one specific girl). They will soon come to hear about the concept of “Alpha” and what it means. However, if you don't do too much research, it is very easy to get deceived and start thinking that Alphaness is something that you exhibit only in your interactions with women. Sticking to this idea I feel can hinder your developement as a good “player”.

The way I see it, it works more like this:

Getting women is only a BYPRODUCT of being Alpha.

It is pretty easy in my opinion to learn to pick up women and have sex with a lot of them. It is MUCH MORE difficult tho to keep a quality woman for a longer time. Because a quality woman will not stick with you just because you are “good with the ladies” (this is a good start tho ). A quality woman will stick with you because you are an ALPHA person in many other areas, not just directly related to seduction itself. I feel this is the reason why there are some really fantastic pick up artists in the community, who unfortunately fail to have a longer relationship with women. I'm not talking about exclusive relationships, just ones that will last longer in general.

The reason I am mentioning this is that it might save some people a lot of time. For myself, I entered the 'community' with the idea that I have to learn to pick up girls, and that this is going to make me Alpha. However after some time you will just start feeling how much you need to have your entire life handeled in order to be able to keep quality women around. If I had known this at the very beginning of my adventure with women, I would have immidiately started putting just as much attention to developing myself as a human, as I was putting into developing myself as a player (btw, I don't consider myself a Pick up artist by any means, I have a very long way ahead of me).

To make it clearer: if you come here seeking to become better with women, make sure to also pay A LOT of attention to becoming good with yourself, so to speak. To name just some examples:

- Start exercising regularly! You don't have to go to the gym, just find some sporting activity you enjoy – football, swimming, squash, table tennis, whatever! If you are very thin tho I suggest you hit the gym

- Make some sort of dieting rules for yourself. I don't mean an entire dieting program (not everyone needs or wants that). Just some rules that you can stick to, it will make you feel better! Examples: “no eating right before sleep” or “drink much more water” or “eat breakfast no later than 1.5 hours after waking up”. Do everything in your power to stick to those rules no matter if you are at some gathering with friends, in a mall shopping, in a bar with a woman. You will feel much more capable as a person when you are able to stick to stuff like that.

- Very important: find a hobby! By hobby I mean something that you do ONLY for yourself, not to impress others with how cool you are. Something you can do just for you, in your own free time. Can't find a hobby? Think of what you used to really enjoy doing for a long time when you were a child – it's quite likely you will still enjoy it now! You liked reading comic books? Start reading again, or start your own website with comic book reviews or whatever! You liked reading about dinosaurs? Start looking stuff up about that, collect figurines (duh!), read up about how they lived, maybe start slowly building your own mini version of a jurassic park out of plastic / wood / whatever. You enjoyed looking at the stars or imagining what a supernova must look like up close or how awesome it would be to live in space? Buy a telescope, buy a map of the sky, download “Stellarium” and start exploring! I mean, goddamit, just use your imagination. If there was anything you did as a small kidfor a long enough period to be able to remember it now, try it again and see if it sticks! And don't be silly and think “nah, that was just for kids, grown ups don't do that”. Remember, you are doing this JUST FOR YOURSELF, it's not for other people to judge whether your hobby qualifies as a 'grownups' hobby. This for yourself, JUST FOR YOURSELF!

- Get some new friends and start hanging out with them from time to time. Remember all those people, friends of friends, who you dismissed as “too stupid” or “I don't like the way they dress” or “they are way too immature,” or one of many other judgmental opinions you passed on them without even talking to them for longer than a minute? Try to schedule some outings with those guys. You'd be surprised how interesting they might turn out to be, and how different they will act when in a different social setting than the one you first met them in. Give them a chance! One of them might just be the person to give you an awesome idea for something that will become your hobby, or he might introduce you to some other interesting people and very soon you will find yourself with a massive social circle.

There are probably many other things I could list here, but no use for that because all of those will be different for each person. You must find what suits you best. And after you have found those things that you enjoy doing, STICK TO THEM NO MATTER WHAT!

I am 23 years old now, and just a year ago I realized this stuff. I wish someone had told me about the importance of 'self developement' when I was 10 years old but I guess I'm not doing that bad in any case.

Well, this post has already turned out waaay longer than I intended it to be. I hope someone can take something out of it for himself.

Discussion and comments very welcome!