Real Modern Man

Just quickly, a little background.  I had been doing the MLTR rotation thing for about a two and a bit years.  As my skills increased each girl was higher quality and now I'm in this relationship with this great girl.  I ended up spending more and more time with her until just recently we just spent 3 weeks in Fiji together.  We both had a really good time.  We've been seeing each other for over a year and whilst we haven't had any kind of exclusivity discussion in her mind we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

I still take advantage of opportunities, mainly short term 'on the side' flings but I mainly just see her now.  'She knows that I know that she knows, but we don't talk about it'.  Every now and then she freaks out but I can manage those well now and she hasn't explicitly grilled me on it.  Probably lacks the confidence, probably 'ignorance is bliss' also for her.

My skills are good, I enjoy a decent level of success.  Pickup is almost an automatic reaction.  It's my default thought process and behaviour when meeting new attractive girls.  I find myself being complused to open, attract and work out logistics, even at times when at the same event or venue as my main girl (as you can imagine it's way easier when she's there, social proof and all that… girls are fucking crazy, but I love 'em… anyway).  Sometimes I wonder if I think about this 'game' stuff too much and if a break from material would be healthy.  I do know a guy who is too 'deep' into the game and he's just weird.  I picked up this new girl the other night and was fingering her in the back of my car wondering am I doing this because I like it, doing this just because I can or am I doing this to validate an identity?  Given that some of your incomes are tied to your skillset I wondered that this could be something that you may have thought about too.

I'm 30.  I would like a family at some stage although I'm in no rush.  At the absolute least not in the next year, probably more.  Based on past relationships I get bored with girls at around the 18 month mark so I'd want us to pass this first (and then some, like 2-3 years).  Perhaps 33-35?  Previously I thought I'd just fuck around until I wanted to have kids then settle down, but given this 2-3 year thing even if I decided to have kids tomorrow with a new girl I'd want to wait.  Maybe I'm too risk adverse?  One thing is for sure, whenever I want to do that this girl is a prime candidate.  Kind, affectionate, great genes, 23, non-materialistic, wants kids, stable, fit, uncomplicated, totally committed and devoted to me.  She has given herself to me in every way.  If I said 'quit your job, move to Iceland with me' she'd do it.  She does have her bad points though, she lacks a great social circle and isn't what I'd call 'really cool' but I enjoy helping her grow in that area, introducing her to new things, etc.  I also think I have pretty realistic expectations about success in LTRs being aware of current divorce rates and all that.

I think a stable relationship is an important environment for kids so I can't see the MLTR + kids thing working for me.  Also, by definition, I'm wondering if I'd want to have kids with a girl would didn't have the strength to stand up to me and refuse to participate in such an arrangement (bare me children whilst I fucked around).

To think there was a time in my life where I thought I wouldn't be able to find a great girl, now my problem is when should I wrap up the selection process.

My question is – how do you balance being 'happy just being' versus continually striving and challenging oneself for 'more'?

Sure, I want to fuck other girls and I doubt this desire will ever go away.  When it was just us chilling out in Fiji I was content, but when I'm out on a weekend I'm like 'I want to fuck her, her and her!!' (and I have a reasonable chance to do so).  I want to continue to fuck other girls, although it's more like 'cheating' now (with all the stress and guilt of that).  I know I shouldn't submit to any guilt induced by her, it's more like a 'if I can't be content with this one, then what???'  I was fully content once with this one girl when I was at University out in the country but I wonder if that was due to lack of temptation.

Maybe there is a girl out there who is an even better match for me (there probably *always* will be), but I'm kinda concerned I'll never be able to get to a stage where I can just relax and be happy with one enough to start a family.

As a side note, I still have a great relationship with my last 'formal' girlfriend.  We catch up every other month or so.  I think that's due to me ending things 'the right way' and being honest, rather that it ending because I was 'busted cheating'.  Basically I told her I just wanted to be single, broke it off and then starting fucking heaps of girls.  She has a guy now but it's not completely out of the realm of possibility we could end up together again one day.  She's also a wonderful girl too.  I wonder if I really do want to continue fucking other girls I need to do the same thing again here.  Do you think a non 'busted cheating' breakup necessarily has a better chance for people staying friends and getting back together later on?

Any insights you could share would be helpful.