Real Modern Man

I'm in an impossible situation regarding custody of my 5 y.o. daughter. It's a long story, but I'll try to be brief.

I had been separated from my ex for 2 years, and she'd been the carer of our daughter. Due to her fecklessness, she'd been kicked out of her rental accomodation and I allowed her to move back in with me, rather than make my daughter homeless.

Four months ago, my daughter suddenly began bleeding from the vagina while sitting down watching TV. Fearing that she had been sexually assaulted, my ex rushed her to hospital. The doctors were unable to immediately determine what the cause of the bleeding was, and referred the case to the department of community services for investigation (as they are obliged to do). The ex immediately jumped to the conclusion that our daughter had been sexually assaulted by me. She threatened to kill me in a phone call, and left a number of threatening sms on my phone. She moved in with a friend of hers.

My daughter subsequently bled twice more, and the casue was revealed to be an infected lesion on the vagina. Exactly what caused the lesion is not known – it could have been a bladder infection, it could have been a scratch caused by my wife's fingernails when washing her “down there”. (My ex always washes herself after urinating, and did the same with our daughter).

However, my ex had been nagging my daughter after the event – “Who hurt you? Who hurt you? Was it Daddy?” over and over, until my daughter finally said “Yes”. Note that she's 5, probably doesn't really understand what's being asked and is highly suggestible. Police investigated at my ex's request. The cops don't believe the daughter's been interfered with. The doctors don't. The social workers don't. I'm totally innocent, and the only person who really believes otherwise is my psycho ex. I never understood just how much hate and contempt she felt for me until this episode. That she can believe this shit for even one second, that she believes it in spite of all the evidence! It frightens me.

I have seen my daughter only once since the initial incident. When I spoke to her, she looked at me with an expression of fear and reached for her mother. I believe that my ex is poisoning my daughter's mind against me.

I'm not really sure what to do about this. I'm not really in a position to be a single dad, and I feel that insisting on seeing my daugghter on a regular basis is likely to be a source of conflict with my ex (not that I care) and by extension, upsetting to our daughter.

Any suggestions on what's best for my daughter in this situation? Should I go for sole custody, on the grounds that my ex is causing psychological damage by telling lies to our daughter about me? Or what? I'm suffering from depression over the whole thing, I know I sould get professional counselling. I'd also like to hear the wisdom of those on the boards though. Perhaps you have a useful perspective.

Terry

I am very sorry I am coming so late to this thread. I think it will be helpful if we can talk online from time to time. I have a lot of resources on this topic at my fingertips and I can provide lots of encouragement. 

Skype: josephgsouth

msn: joseph.went.south@gmail.com