Real Modern Man

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NOTE: First published on Applied Romance. Updated for publication on Real Modern Man.

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In my experience, men who take the hard road to mastery with women represent a very small percentage of men. Typically, these men, including most of you reading these words, are on average higher than normal intelligence, with higher than average education. A very large number of you are technically proficient in one or more areas of high technology.

So how do you share your world, your passions with the women in your life? In short, what’s the best way to show off?

How most men show off

Most men seek approval or understanding. They subcommunicate “I hope you think I’m smart.” This is a total buzzkill for the woman. Sure, your latest advance in first person shooter technoology might set the gaming world on it’s ear. But unless your woman is a coder or a mathematician, she simply is not going to appreciate the material. All that logic, that abstraction and precision. So cold. So boring. So don’t do it.

And if you are looking for her approval for your cleverness (which always feels good), how is she supposed to approve of something she doesn’t understand?

In fact, you don’t need her approval.

But you do need to include her. And here’s how.

Share your passion with her instead

When you call your woman over to brag about how well you put that Holley 4 barrel carburetor back together (”Look, only 3 pieces left over!”), don’t share facts, share emotions.

Tell her how great it feels when you finally red point that 5.11c overhang.

Use Franco’s Rich Descriptions to paint a vivid picture in her mind, a detailed picture of emotional and physical sensation.

Bring her in close.

While you are describing your achievement, touch her hands. Stroke her hair. Kiss her on the cheek. Hug her.

Let her feel your good feelings in her body.

There is no need for her to intellectually understand your effort. If she feels the need for intellectual understanding, she is likely smart enough to figure it out on her own, without your help. But she will appreciate that what you do is important to you, that it makes you happy, and that you share that happiness with her. And that’s the key: when you’re happy, she’ll be happy.