Real Modern Man

If you’ve ever felt socially awkward or shy – like I did for literally decades – then you might think that you need to learn how to become “the life of the party”.

For a man beginning to overcome his public anxiety, acting in a more outgoing manner can be considered good practice, no matter the outcome.

When interacting with a woman, your goal should rarely be to sleep with the woman, at least not immediately. If you have little experience with women or normal social interactions, then your initial goals should be to maintain comfort while carrying on a normal conversation.

Once you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’ll want to be able to simultaneously observe your emotional body as well as hers, while remaining relaxed. Once you have mastered these skills, you’ll be in a position to do amazing things if you so choose; both socially and romantically.

A very common intermediate-level mistake – one that I’ve made countless times – is to search for ways to “break the ice” when there is tension between the man and the woman. You know you’re doing this thing if you feel sexual tension, and you’re frantically seeking a way to either crack a joke or start a new topic of conversation; or you start coughing; or you desperately want to eject from the interaction.

In fact, one of the sexiest things a man can learn how to do is hold and maintain sexual tension. Watch how the ever-charming Tom Cruise does this:

Watch the video again, and this time, note carefully how Cruise’s counterpart Kelly McGillis goes through the following emotional-body states:

• She first pretends to be aloof or indifferent to his presence
• She secretly is very glad he’s there and can’t take her eyes off him
• She gives him an offhand, mildly-negative remark about him needing to bathe. Here she is trying to frame herself as the prize that he is chasing. If you haven’t done so already, take a listen to the Magic Pussy Syndrome
• She then looks at him, wondering what he is thinking
• She again acts assertive in trying to prize herself by laying down some “rules”
• She conveys strong subcommunication that she wants him to invite himself up to her place. Guys, I must have missed this one a thousand times by the time I was 34 (I am 40 now)! Most men will completely miss the true meaning of her words and assume he needs to apologize for any sexual vibe he may have given off.

Now, with the above in mind, you can see what Cruise does to sustain the sexual tension, instead of dissipating it with something foolish like an apology or a clever remark. Cruise takes half a step closer to McGillis, and a slight, knowing smirk starts to warm over his face. McGillis is visibly flustered by this, which is a clear signof feminine sexual arousal.

Next, when the couple is interrupted in the elevator, Cruise flashes a reassuring smile and warm eye contact.

Finally, Cruise moves in as if he is about to kiss her, but again he lets the sexual tension simmer just below the boiling point. He then confirms that he understands all of the subcommunication that has just taken place. His body language, eye contact and entire demeanor suggest sexual dominance and confidence.

It is important to realize that in Top Gun, Cruise plays an experienced ladies’ man. Also, he has taken the time to interact with and observe his romantic interest before he acts in such a bold manner as depicted here. Still, this is a beautiful depiction of how a man might seduce a woman he feels strong sexual attraction for.