Real Modern Man

Here’s a cool NY Times article I got from my former girlfriend DZ. At this very moment, I feel the this article is the absolute best article I’ve ever read in the mainstream media about any relationship, either married or similarly committed: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear. When Laura Munson’s husband told her: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.” she refused to cower in insecurity, shame and emotional devastation:

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

I was prepared to dislike this article intensely, because it felt like it was setting up to be yet another man-bashing diatribe about how great women are and how much men suck. “Everyone knows” that “men suck in relationships,” even though the majority of breakups are instigated by women.

But no, Mrs. Munson loves her husband deeply and was prepared to go the distance with him.

Read what she does: as long as he isn’t materially destroying his family, she stands out of his way and lets him deal with himself as best he can. On his own time line. In his own way. Without prying. Without accountability.

I’m sure she was curious. She had to have been. I’m sure her imagination ran wild, she even hints at it: drugs, women… but she bridles herself. She lets the situation play out.

Who knows? Maybe Mr. Munson went out and partied for a couple of months. Found some loose women. Whatever.

As it turns out, he was sensible enough NOT to let whatever he was “up to” materially affect his family… and when he came back… he was fully present.

So what do think?

Is this future of modern love? Or is this a return to traditional values?

I think it’s both.

In today’s society, temptation surrounds us in ways we are genetically barely able to cope with. But our times aren’t unique. Different eras of history, even in Western Culture, have had radically different mores concerning men and women in marriage and “related” relationships. In fact, the Victorian era morality still prevalent at least in the USA is historically aberrant!

So yes, I believe it represents an excellent future for modern love… and return to much more sensible values than promulgated by Victorian moralists.