Real Modern Man

Here’s a cool NY Times article I got from my former girlfriend DZ. At this very moment, I feel the this article is the absolute best article I’ve ever read in the mainstream media about any relationship, either married or similarly committed: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear. When Laura Munson’s husband told her: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.” she refused to cower in insecurity, shame and emotional devastation:

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

I was prepared to dislike this article intensely, because it felt like it was setting up to be yet another man-bashing diatribe about how great women are and how much men suck. “Everyone knows” that “men suck in relationships,” even though the majority of breakups are instigated by women.

But no, Mrs. Munson loves her husband deeply and was prepared to go the distance with him.

Read what she does: as long as he isn’t materially destroying his family, she stands out of his way and lets him deal with himself as best he can. On his own time line. In his own way. Without prying. Without accountability.

I’m sure she was curious. She had to have been. I’m sure her imagination ran wild, she even hints at it: drugs, women… but she bridles herself. She lets the situation play out.

Who knows? Maybe Mr. Munson went out and partied for a couple of months. Found some loose women. Whatever.

As it turns out, he was sensible enough NOT to let whatever he was “up to” materially affect his family… and when he came back… he was fully present.

So what do think?

Is this future of modern love? Or is this a return to traditional values?

I think it’s both.

In today’s society, temptation surrounds us in ways we are genetically barely able to cope with. But our times aren’t unique. Different eras of history, even in Western Culture, have had radically different mores concerning men and women in marriage and “related” relationships. In fact, the Victorian era morality still prevalent at least in the USA is historically aberrant!

So yes, I believe it represents an excellent future for modern love… and return to much more sensible values than promulgated by Victorian moralists.

I seem to be able to spot things in real life that few other people can. This is a skill I’ve acquired via maintaining an intense, childlike curiosity about all facets of life.

Here are some insights from the Showtime TV Series, The Tudors.

In the following scene, Mary Tudor has been forced by her brother, King Henry VIII, to marry the decrepit King of Portugal*. Charles Brandon, among Henry’s best friends and trusted advisors, had been commissioned by his master to deliver Mary safely to the King of Portugal. En route to Portugal by sea, Charles seduces Mary, knowing that she was to be married and that their affair would by necessity be very short lived. Subsequent to the seduction, and on the night before this scene takes place, Mary consummates her marriage to the old King, under great duress. Here, we see clearly that Mary has fallen in love with Charles.

Mary’s feminine perspective is very understandable when we observe Charles’ steady eye contact, total masculine presence, and playful attitude. Charles also shows great impudence by asking permission to dance with Mary, knowing that they recently slept together and he has effectively betrayed both his friend King Henry as well as the King of Portugal.

Please now watch the video clip closely, and note how Mary subcommunicates that Charles’ cocky and funny banter is actually very pleasing to her.

Cocky and Funny

Cocky and Funny has long been known as a powerful seduction technique. The psychological reasons behind this are significant. Cocky behavior displays masculine dominance over a female, which must be preceded by a lack of fear of females. It is understandable that beautiful females are often feared by men and women alike, since females make up one half of the top predator species on planet earth (credit: David Clare). However, feminine persons cannot usually become very sexually aroused, nor can they feel safe with, men who are terrified of them. So a certain cockiness demonstrates a man’s lack of fear quite effectively.

The Funny part of Cocky and Funny is also necessary for maximum effect. The humor subcommunicates that – although the man is dominant over the woman – he is acting in such a manner as to consider her as an ally, with her feminine pleasure in mind.

If a man comes across as too Cocky, then he has complete disregard for the female, she cannot feel safe with such a man. And if she has high self esteem, she will demonstrate this by withdrawing from the man.

If a man comes across as too Funny, then he reveals his fear of women and his ass-kissing nature. He is in the role of court jester: perhaps somewhat entertaining in specific doses, but far beneath the King, or a real seducer like Charles Brandon, when it comes to winning the ladies’ affections.

The finish to this scene is wonderful, when Mary leans in and asserts that Charles’ teasing is proof of his great affection for her. Yes, his entire demeanor is arousing to her and demonstrates his desire for her in a powerful way. He not only desires to possess her body, but he is having visible effects on her heart and mind as well. The old but wise King of Portugal certainly reads the subcommunication here with crystal clarity. Do you?

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*footnote: According to Wikipedia, the producers of this TV series took great liberties with Mary Tudor’s character. According to Wikipedia:

The drama series The Tudors portrays Mary and Charles’s relationship, though the character is named Princess Margaret, and is a composite of Mary and her sister Margaret Tudor, portrayed by Gabrielle Anwar. Charles Brandon is portrayed by Henry Cavill. Many liberties have been taken with the story. For example, in the television series, Henry arranges his sister’s marriage with the aged King of Portugal, not of France, in the late 1520s. Margaret/Mary then kills her husband. Another fictitious sub-plot has Henry making Charles Brandon Duke of Suffolk so the latter would be of appropriate rank to give away Henry’s sister at her supposed wedding to the King of Portugal. In the story, the Tudor/Brandon marriage soon cools and no mention is made of their three children. Yet another discontinuity relates to Henry’s sister dying before Wolsey (who died in 1530).