Real Modern Man

Sexy woman waiting for you this Halloween! BOO!!!

AUDIO NOW LIVE!!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• How to balance work and play
• Using Money as a Tool for Time and Energy Management
• Great First Date Ideas
• Choosing the Right Woman among many
• And much, much more!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 47:45 — 43.8MB)

One of the keys to meeting women in a fun and relaxed way is by being comfortable around them. This means that you are so accustomed to speaking with women, touching women, making them laugh, giving them a good time, and so on that you don’t worry about being able to do these things. Note I used the word “accustomed”. You may still get nervous. You may still get excited. Those things are fine, and indeed are good. They will add tension and spice to the reaction. If you can feel comfortable with a woman and build sexual tension, she will reflect that. However, if you’re not used to talking to women, then no amount of clever one-liners will fix that. If you’re not used to touching women, then you will have a very difficult time escalating it to a physical relationship.

What this means is that before you worry about how to have sex with a woman, or how to get her into a relationship, you must first master the basics of human interaction. That means you have to practice, and you have to practice on everyone. If you only look for that one perfect woman when you’re out, and she’s the only woman you interact with, then you will be extremely nervous. Not only will you not learn to be comfortable, you will in fact train yourself to be less comfortable. Talk to everyone you come across. Make them laugh. Touch them. Make these things natural for yourself. Then when it comes time to that attractive woman, sure you’ll still feel nervous, but at least “what do I say” and “when and how should I touch her” won’t be on your list of preoccupations. You can instead focus on getting to know her and having a good time.

For those guys who already have a girlfriend, you may think that you’re done and you can just relax. No! You have to continue to practice and demonstrate your comfort with women. This will show your girlfriend that you don’t need her in your life, and she will appreciate you as a result. If she only ever sees you sitting around at home playing video games, she will take you for granted. There will be no tension or challenge for her. Also, if you’re not used to relating to people in a normal way and you see your girlfriend flirting with other guys, you risk becoming very jealous, which will damage the relationship. However, if you flirt with other women just as much (if not more so), you will realize that it’s not a big deal, and it will make the relationship better for the both of you.

If you are not comfortable around women, then that is the first thing you need to fix.

~Tubarao

There used to be a time when I would see a cute chick and think, “it would be nice to meet her!” But then I would second guess myself and think, “but wait, what if someone even better comes along?” It seems ridiculous now, in retrospect. I was always the perfectionist: I felt I should aim ever higher. Now I know better. I talk to all women! And I find that a lot of them are incredible in many different ways that I never would have expected. What’s more, just talking to a woman doesn’t mean that I’m somehow sacrificing my own freedom. I can meet as many women as I like!

Not only do most men believe that they can only be in a relationship with one woman at a time (I don’t subscribe to this belief myself), but many feel that they can only pursue one woman at a time. Partly it’s because society brands any man who loves talking to women as a “player”. And partly it’s because we’re raised to believe that there’s “one special woman” out there for us. The fact is, if there is that special girl, we’re ten times more likely to meet her if we meet ten times as many women. It’s statistics.

Movies may teach us that love is a matter of fate. But why sit around your house, playing video games, waiting for “fate” to drop a woman in your lap, when you can go out and start meeting many beautiful and incredible women immediately? And you know, for those of you who are nervous about approaching an attractive stranger, it’s less nerve-wracking when you know that there’s ten more women just behind her, eager to meet you. Not every woman is a perfect match. But contrary to what the movies may teach, the fastest way to find a great match is to quickly sift through all the not-so-great matches (I won’t say “poor matches”, because every woman can offer you something wonderful if you let her).

My life is full of fantastic women: Acquaintances, friends, lovers. None of them judge me for being the man that I am. In fact, they appreciate that I have so many women in my life, because they know that they can be utterly comfortable with me. I don’t see my relationships with women as an all-or-nothing venture. And by dropping my expectations of them, I find I have a lot more women choosing to be in my life.

~Tubarao

Michelle, posting via San Francisco Chronicle online edition asserts

While I can’t claim to speak for all older women, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who, given a free hour, would choose a book over a boy toy, ten times out of ten.

Really.

She sounds pretty sure of herself: “Ten times out of ten.”

And that “While I can’t claim…” yeah, right. You and I both know that’s exactly what she’s claiming.

Unfortunately for her, she isn’t a cougar, and her “debunking of myths” is neither a debunk nor is it a myth.

I’ll go head to head with anyone, man or woman, of any age, that wants to tell me about older women. If there is any one thing I DO know about… it’s older women. Starting as a high school junior dating a high school senior… and on from there.

Gents, here’s the deal: if you’re a younger man, and an older woman approaches you in a friendly way, shut your mouth and let nature takes it’s course. She might really only want directions to the Starbucks… but she might just be delighted for you to show her the way… You literally need do nothing more than not eff it up.

For the young man in question… kudos for him for stepping up! I don’t blame him at all for avoiding further contact, given the relish with which she tooled him. Later, as he gets his game in gear, he’ll know how to say something like “Ah… the smell of poop in the morning. So refreshing!” Then his “cheesy pickup line” becomes a “funny icebreaker.”

A woman once told me:

“My type of guy is tall, dark and handsome, and has good taste in shoes. Unless I’m in love. Then all bets are off.”

A certain set of women will insist that if man needs to know about women, all he needs to do is ask a woman.

In general, this is bull.

Very, very few women are going to spill the beans on their seduction keys. And most women have them. Most women have some certain narrow set of criteria that makes them absolutely weak in the knees, totally vulnerable to being swept off their feet.

Why should they tell you this?

They shouldn’t.

It’s part of the mystery.

See, you can know everything there is to know about body language, courtship and seduction, social dynamics and female psychology, but none of your knowledge in general tells you anything specific about the woman facing you across the table. To learn about her, you have to be with her. Sure, your knowledge helps, and the more the better to be sure, but you as a man still have to discover her, personally, as a woman.

General knowledge about seduction does not, cannot, replace specific experience with a real, live, breathing and feeling woman by your side. (This is part of why “pick up lines” don’t work in general.)

And this is where the mystery really lives: all the “knowledge” you have about seduction, dating, courtship is nothing compared to unlocking the mystery of the woman in front of you. She will be unique. Your knowledge simply helps you discover who she is.

Now, don’t get me wrong here… some women (not all) will tell you, in detail, exactly how to court them. Other women will give you broad hints (which they consider exact details). But courtship is total supplication of the male to the female. He sells his qualities, she chooses to buy or not. The choice for the interaction… is hers and hers alone. This is something you should remember as a man if you find yourself courting a woman: make sure you’re courting the right woman. You might catch her!

However, a women will tell you her courtship details only under one of two conditions:

1. She is attracted to you anyway.
2. She wants something from you.

If she doesn’t want you courting her… she will tell you with a great degree of conviction to “Just be yourself.” Which —strangely enough — is the only advice you really need, but being yourself is much easier said than done.

Also, as I plan to discuss in an upcoming article, many women don’t really know that much more about dating than men do… but society forces them into a more passive role, taking or leaving rather than “getting.” So a woman might not really know what she wants… but she’ll know what she likes when she feels it!