Real Modern Man

I seem to be able to spot things in real life that few other people can. This is a skill I’ve acquired via maintaining an intense, childlike curiosity about all facets of life.

Here are some insights from the Showtime TV Series, The Tudors.

In the following scene, Mary Tudor has been forced by her brother, King Henry VIII, to marry the decrepit King of Portugal*. Charles Brandon, among Henry’s best friends and trusted advisors, had been commissioned by his master to deliver Mary safely to the King of Portugal. En route to Portugal by sea, Charles seduces Mary, knowing that she was to be married and that their affair would by necessity be very short lived. Subsequent to the seduction, and on the night before this scene takes place, Mary consummates her marriage to the old King, under great duress. Here, we see clearly that Mary has fallen in love with Charles.

Mary’s feminine perspective is very understandable when we observe Charles’ steady eye contact, total masculine presence, and playful attitude. Charles also shows great impudence by asking permission to dance with Mary, knowing that they recently slept together and he has effectively betrayed both his friend King Henry as well as the King of Portugal.

Please now watch the video clip closely, and note how Mary subcommunicates that Charles’ cocky and funny banter is actually very pleasing to her.

Cocky and Funny

Cocky and Funny has long been known as a powerful seduction technique. The psychological reasons behind this are significant. Cocky behavior displays masculine dominance over a female, which must be preceded by a lack of fear of females. It is understandable that beautiful females are often feared by men and women alike, since females make up one half of the top predator species on planet earth (credit: David Clare). However, feminine persons cannot usually become very sexually aroused, nor can they feel safe with, men who are terrified of them. So a certain cockiness demonstrates a man’s lack of fear quite effectively.

The Funny part of Cocky and Funny is also necessary for maximum effect. The humor subcommunicates that – although the man is dominant over the woman – he is acting in such a manner as to consider her as an ally, with her feminine pleasure in mind.

If a man comes across as too Cocky, then he has complete disregard for the female, she cannot feel safe with such a man. And if she has high self esteem, she will demonstrate this by withdrawing from the man.

If a man comes across as too Funny, then he reveals his fear of women and his ass-kissing nature. He is in the role of court jester: perhaps somewhat entertaining in specific doses, but far beneath the King, or a real seducer like Charles Brandon, when it comes to winning the ladies’ affections.

The finish to this scene is wonderful, when Mary leans in and asserts that Charles’ teasing is proof of his great affection for her. Yes, his entire demeanor is arousing to her and demonstrates his desire for her in a powerful way. He not only desires to possess her body, but he is having visible effects on her heart and mind as well. The old but wise King of Portugal certainly reads the subcommunication here with crystal clarity. Do you?

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*footnote: According to Wikipedia, the producers of this TV series took great liberties with Mary Tudor’s character. According to Wikipedia:

The drama series The Tudors portrays Mary and Charles’s relationship, though the character is named Princess Margaret, and is a composite of Mary and her sister Margaret Tudor, portrayed by Gabrielle Anwar. Charles Brandon is portrayed by Henry Cavill. Many liberties have been taken with the story. For example, in the television series, Henry arranges his sister’s marriage with the aged King of Portugal, not of France, in the late 1520s. Margaret/Mary then kills her husband. Another fictitious sub-plot has Henry making Charles Brandon Duke of Suffolk so the latter would be of appropriate rank to give away Henry’s sister at her supposed wedding to the King of Portugal. In the story, the Tudor/Brandon marriage soon cools and no mention is made of their three children. Yet another discontinuity relates to Henry’s sister dying before Wolsey (who died in 1530).

Occasionally, I run across posts from a men who feel “disrespected” by their girlfriends. In this case, the man was following his girlfriend around, and becoming increasingly agitated that she wasn’t paying attention to him:

The worst example was one time when she was like “Let’s go get ice cream at XXXX”. Turns out her coworker works there and that’s why she wanted to go. They ended up gossiping at the counter for 45 minutes while I just stood there occasionally adding comments.

My reply follows.

First point: you chose to stand there. She didn’t hold a gun to your head. You could have easily chosen to leave.

Now, rich description: “Yes, ice cream. I’m having the strawberry today. Something about the color red moves me. Actually, I saw this woman today. I think she was a model, because of the way she walked, like she was on the runway, in her tight knee length skirt, it was blood red. And wool, definitely. Very rich. I wonder what she is doing here in our town. Perhaps we will see her at the ice cream parlor. I will introduce you to her.”

In my experience, most emotionally healthy, well-socialized women *love* these kinds of little fantasy stories. But you can’t go from 0 to 60 all at once. Start slowly. Just a sentence or two with emotionally interesting content.

I like adding lots of nice touch when I tell these little stories. Makes her body feel good, to go along with the images in her mind’s eye. This is not a “technique,” by the way. It’s a gift of your attention to appreciate her femininity. If you try to “manipulate” her emotions in this way, you better have bulletproof frame, including the ability to stand your ground as a manipulator. But that’s so unnecessary. Just choose women choosing you and appreciate them for the unique charm they bring into your life.

Rich descriptions are really just free association, stream of consciousness descriptions of emotional states. The words used in rich descriptions are to create the emotional state in you, whence you are much better able to share this emotion with the woman.

Another other thing you can do is simply be friendly to everyone you meet, especially when you are out with her. Men, women, children, dogs, cats, etc. Don’t approach in supplication to “prove” something to your girlfriend, simply be open to being approached. Animals and children are excellent gauges. They will dismiss with contempt anyone supplicating to them, regardless of their social rank. And children and animals will approach, in time, anyone who is cool, calm, mellow and indifferent, again, regardless of social rank. Adults are similar. George Clooney is beloved because he has no more respect for social rank than to treat people, all people, like fundamentally decent human beings. Be George.

When you’re standing in line (queued up), open the person next to you. Doesn’t matter who they are. Talk about the weather. Anything. Doesn’t matter. In fact, subject matter, words, topic of conversation is irrelevant to the underlying _social_ charge. With women, this social charge can be sexual. With men it can be instant social respect: game peeps game. You and your peers will know each other instantly. When you’re making an instant friendship with the coolest guy in a place, or better, when he is working for it with you, that’s demonstration in a big way.

When you have this kind of social ability, when you wander off because your girlfriend is ignoring you, she’ll be running after you shortly to find out where you’re going, what you’re doing, and who you’re talking to.

By the way, bad boys don’t explain. Don’t tell her you’re wandering off. Just do it. In most situations like yours, explanation *is* supplication. It shouldn’t be. Explanation should be simple common courtesy. But, it’s not, so deal with it.

Revisiting the ice cream parlor… whenever you find yourself in a position where you do NOT act because of potential drama, you MUST act. In those situation, relish the drama. Spoil for the fight if that’s what it comes down to. I get very little drama in my relationship because I 1. don’t induce it unnecessarily, and 2. will do step up for the emotional throw down, no problem.

Your issue here is you. Not her. She may not be the girl for you, but you don’t have to dump her, or cause drama. You just do what you want to do, she will either get with the program, or not. No hard feelings.