Archive for the ‘Seduction’ tag
Know When to Keep your Big Mouth Shut!
If you’ve ever felt socially awkward or shy – like I did for literally decades – then you might think that you need to learn how to become “the life of the party”.
For a man beginning to overcome his public anxiety, acting in a more outgoing manner can be considered good practice, no matter the outcome.
When interacting with a woman, your goal should rarely be to sleep with the woman, at least not immediately. If you have little experience with women or normal social interactions, then your initial goals should be to maintain comfort while carrying on a normal conversation.
Once you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’ll want to be able to simultaneously observe your emotional body as well as hers, while remaining relaxed. Once you have mastered these skills, you’ll be in a position to do amazing things if you so choose; both socially and romantically.
A very common intermediate-level mistake – one that I’ve made countless times – is to search for ways to “break the ice” when there is tension between the man and the woman. You know you’re doing this thing if you feel sexual tension, and you’re frantically seeking a way to either crack a joke or start a new topic of conversation; or you start coughing; or you desperately want to eject from the interaction.
In fact, one of the sexiest things a man can learn how to do is hold and maintain sexual tension. Watch how the ever-charming Tom Cruise does this:
Watch the video again, and this time, note carefully how Cruise’s counterpart Kelly McGillis goes through the following emotional-body states:
- She first pretends to be aloof or indifferent to his presence
- She secretly is very glad he’s there and can’t take her eyes off him
- She gives him an offhand, mildly-negative remark about him needing to bathe. Here she is trying to frame herself as the prize that he is chasing. If you haven’t done so already, take a listen to the Magic Pussy Syndrome
- She then looks at him, wondering what he is thinking
- She again acts assertive in trying to prize herself by laying down some “rules”
- She conveys strong subcommunication that she wants him to invite himself up to her place. Guys, I must have missed this one a thousand times by the time I was 34 (I am 40 now)! Most men will completely miss the true meaning of her words and assume he needs to apologize for any sexual vibe he may have given off.
Now, with the above in mind, you can see what Cruise does to sustain the sexual tension, instead of dissipating it with something foolish like an apology or a clever remark. Cruise takes half a step closer to McGillis, and a slight, knowing smirk starts to warm over his face. McGillis is visibly flustered by this, which is a clear sign
Next, when the couple is interrupted in the elevator, Cruise flashes a reassuring smile and warm eye contact.
Finally, Cruise moves in as if he is about to kiss her, but again he lets the sexual tension simmer just below the boiling point. He then confirms that he understands all of the subcommunication that has just taken place. His body language, eye contact and entire demeanor suggest sexual dominance and confidence.
It is important to realize that in Top Gun, Cruise plays an experienced ladies’ man. Also, he has taken the time to interact with and observe his romantic interest before he acts in such a bold manner as depicted here. Still, this is a beautiful depiction of how a man might seduce a woman he feels strong sexual attraction for.
Why Asking Women About Dating Doesn’t Work
A woman once told me:
“My type of guy is tall, dark and handsome, and has good taste in shoes. Unless I’m in love. Then all bets are off.”
A certain set of women will insist that if man needs to know about women, all he needs to do is ask a woman.
In general, this is bull.
Very, very few women are going to spill the beans on their seduction keys. And most women have them. Most women have some certain narrow set of criteria that makes them absolutely weak in the knees, totally vulnerable to being swept off their feet.
Why should they tell you this?
They shouldn’t.
It’s part of the mystery.
See, you can know everything there is to know about body language, courtship and seduction, social dynamics and female psychology, but none of your knowledge in general tells you anything specific about the woman facing you across the table. To learn about her, you have to be with her. Sure, your knowledge helps, and the more the better to be sure, but you as a man still have to discover her, personally, as a woman.
General knowledge about seduction does not, cannot, replace specific experience with a real, live, breathing and feeling woman by your side. (This is part of why “pick up lines” don’t work in general.)
And this is where the mystery really lives: all the “knowledge” you have about seduction, dating, courtship is nothing compared to unlocking the mystery of the woman in front of you. She will be unique. Your knowledge simply helps you discover who she is.
Now, don’t get me wrong here… some women (not all) will tell you, in detail, exactly how to court them. Other women will give you broad hints (which they consider exact details). But courtship is total supplication of the male to the female. He sells his qualities, she chooses to buy or not. The choice for the interaction… is hers and hers alone. This is something you should remember as a man if you find yourself courting a woman: make sure you’re courting the right woman. You might catch her!
However, a women will tell you her courtship details only under one of two conditions:
- She is attracted to you anyway.
- She wants something from you.
If she doesn’t want you courting her… she will tell you with a great degree of conviction to “Just be yourself.” Which —strangely enough — is the only advice you really need, but being yourself is much easier said than done.
Also, as I plan to discuss in an upcoming article, many women don’t really know that much more about dating than men do… but society forces them into a more passive role, taking or leaving rather than “getting.” So a woman might not really know what she wants… but she’ll know what she likes when she feels it!
With Power Comes Responsibility — Date responsibly!
I subscribe to a fair number of seduction newsletters, some of which I occasionally read. One morning’s newsletter from Grant Adams of “Net2Bed” opens with an email from a woman describing how she got “played” by a guy using Grant’s material. She concludes with the observation that as much as it stung her personally, most guys were pretty good guys overall, and learning Grant’s material would do them a world of good. Grant closes with an appeal to “date responsibly.”
What does it mean to date responsibly?
Be authentic
Most importantly: be open to the man you really are. If you’re a slimy, shiftless scumbag, dude, there are chicks out there for you! Just be open to it, be authentic! Conversely, if you’re a pretty decent guy, no need to pose like a tough guy. There are chicks out there way tougher than you, and they will puncture your pose like a cheap condom.
Being authentic means aligning your internal perception of yourself with how people perceive you externally. This is easier said than done, because it’s hard to see ourselves as other people see us. One way to achieve this congruency is to hold a clear vision of who you think you are, and act accordingly. For example, if you style yourself after Hef, it would be a good idea to be an outgoing kind of guy who entertains regularly and manages at least some sort of harem.
Leave them better than you found them
Once a man develops some skill women, that is, once he learns to be attractive and form intimate emotional connections with women, he finds that “getting laid” isn’t the issue. The issue is what to do with all the women that want to be in his life. There is a creed in the seduction community attributed to Ross Jeffries: “Leave them better than you found them.” I could write a book on this theme, it’s that important.