Real Modern Man

Michelle, posting via San Francisco Chronicle online edition asserts

While I can’t claim to speak for all older women, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who, given a free hour, would choose a book over a boy toy, ten times out of ten.

Really.

She sounds pretty sure of herself: “Ten times out of ten.”

And that “While I can’t claim…” yeah, right. You and I both know that’s exactly what she’s claiming.

Unfortunately for her, she isn’t a cougar, and her “debunking of myths” is neither a debunk nor is it a myth.

I’ll go head to head with anyone, man or woman, of any age, that wants to tell me about older women. If there is any one thing I DO know about… it’s older women. Starting as a high school junior dating a high school senior… and on from there.

Gents, here’s the deal: if you’re a younger man, and an older woman approaches you in a friendly way, shut your mouth and let nature takes it’s course. She might really only want directions to the Starbucks… but she might just be delighted for you to show her the way… You literally need do nothing more than not eff it up.

For the young man in question… kudos for him for stepping up! I don’t blame him at all for avoiding further contact, given the relish with which she tooled him. Later, as he gets his game in gear, he’ll know how to say something like “Ah… the smell of poop in the morning. So refreshing!” Then his “cheesy pickup line” becomes a “funny icebreaker.”

Steve Pavlina gives us some really good field experience with email, from one of his recent posts:

Some of those emails were very flirtatious; however, I’m unable to read anything into them. For any individual woman, I can’t tell if she’s just being friendly and playful, if she’s trying to open a dialog because she’s interested in becoming friends or playmates, if she’s baiting and teasing me, or if she’s just probing me to see how I react. With face-to-face interactions where I can read body language and tone of voice, I have a much better shot of getting an accurate read, but with a plain email from someone I may not know that well… there’s just no way.

Steve has it more or less correct.

But in fact, a woman may be doing all of these things at once!

And not just in email, she may do the same thing face-to-face…

Mixed messages… the art of the feminine

A lot of men have serious trouble handling mixed messages. They want it straight out:

“What is she really thinking?”

Well, the answer to that could be either (or both) of the following:

• She’s thinking several things all at the same time, or
• she doesn’t know what she’s thinking.

As a man who appreciates women, when you don’t know whether she is flirting, or teasing, or just probing, you know that she is giving you an opportunity to step up and lead your interaction with her. Don’t think about what she wants, think about what you want, and put out your best offer.

It’s always Win-Win for you!

Steve’s a really smart guy. If you read his writing, you will see that he “does what he does” and doesn’t worry over much whether other people have a big problem with him. This works really well with situations he describes above: when you don’t have a clear idea what she is thinking, you “do what you do” and don’t worry about it.

In my experience, when you’re willing to “do what you do” with confidence and integrity you’ll provide the emotional leadership required for the interactions you desire. And if not, you will gain the respect due to a man living his life in his own way.

This means that mixed messages are a gift from her to you. She “doesn’t know what she feels,” so step up! Take charge of your own desires, she’ll be either “in” or “out,” and if she’s “in,” she’s in solid! If she’s out, you know you don’t have to spend any more time thinking about her.