Real Modern Man

If you’ve ever felt socially awkward or shy – like I did for literally decades – then you might think that you need to learn how to become “the life of the party”.

For a man beginning to overcome his public anxiety, acting in a more outgoing manner can be considered good practice, no matter the outcome.

When interacting with a woman, your goal should rarely be to sleep with the woman, at least not immediately. If you have little experience with women or normal social interactions, then your initial goals should be to maintain comfort while carrying on a normal conversation.

Once you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’ll want to be able to simultaneously observe your emotional body as well as hers, while remaining relaxed. Once you have mastered these skills, you’ll be in a position to do amazing things if you so choose; both socially and romantically.

A very common intermediate-level mistake – one that I’ve made countless times – is to search for ways to “break the ice” when there is tension between the man and the woman. You know you’re doing this thing if you feel sexual tension, and you’re frantically seeking a way to either crack a joke or start a new topic of conversation; or you start coughing; or you desperately want to eject from the interaction.

In fact, one of the sexiest things a man can learn how to do is hold and maintain sexual tension. Watch how the ever-charming Tom Cruise does this:

Watch the video again, and this time, note carefully how Cruise’s counterpart Kelly McGillis goes through the following emotional-body states:

• She first pretends to be aloof or indifferent to his presence
• She secretly is very glad he’s there and can’t take her eyes off him
• She gives him an offhand, mildly-negative remark about him needing to bathe. Here she is trying to frame herself as the prize that he is chasing. If you haven’t done so already, take a listen to the Magic Pussy Syndrome
• She then looks at him, wondering what he is thinking
• She again acts assertive in trying to prize herself by laying down some “rules”
• She conveys strong subcommunication that she wants him to invite himself up to her place. Guys, I must have missed this one a thousand times by the time I was 34 (I am 40 now)! Most men will completely miss the true meaning of her words and assume he needs to apologize for any sexual vibe he may have given off.

Now, with the above in mind, you can see what Cruise does to sustain the sexual tension, instead of dissipating it with something foolish like an apology or a clever remark. Cruise takes half a step closer to McGillis, and a slight, knowing smirk starts to warm over his face. McGillis is visibly flustered by this, which is a clear signof feminine sexual arousal.

Next, when the couple is interrupted in the elevator, Cruise flashes a reassuring smile and warm eye contact.

Finally, Cruise moves in as if he is about to kiss her, but again he lets the sexual tension simmer just below the boiling point. He then confirms that he understands all of the subcommunication that has just taken place. His body language, eye contact and entire demeanor suggest sexual dominance and confidence.

It is important to realize that in Top Gun, Cruise plays an experienced ladies’ man. Also, he has taken the time to interact with and observe his romantic interest before he acts in such a bold manner as depicted here. Still, this is a beautiful depiction of how a man might seduce a woman he feels strong sexual attraction for.

I seem to be able to spot things in real life that few other people can. This is a skill I’ve acquired via maintaining an intense, childlike curiosity about all facets of life.

Here are some insights from the Showtime TV Series, The Tudors.

In the following scene, Mary Tudor has been forced by her brother, King Henry VIII, to marry the decrepit King of Portugal*. Charles Brandon, among Henry’s best friends and trusted advisors, had been commissioned by his master to deliver Mary safely to the King of Portugal. En route to Portugal by sea, Charles seduces Mary, knowing that she was to be married and that their affair would by necessity be very short lived. Subsequent to the seduction, and on the night before this scene takes place, Mary consummates her marriage to the old King, under great duress. Here, we see clearly that Mary has fallen in love with Charles.

Mary’s feminine perspective is very understandable when we observe Charles’ steady eye contact, total masculine presence, and playful attitude. Charles also shows great impudence by asking permission to dance with Mary, knowing that they recently slept together and he has effectively betrayed both his friend King Henry as well as the King of Portugal.

Please now watch the video clip closely, and note how Mary subcommunicates that Charles’ cocky and funny banter is actually very pleasing to her.

Cocky and Funny

Cocky and Funny has long been known as a powerful seduction technique. The psychological reasons behind this are significant. Cocky behavior displays masculine dominance over a female, which must be preceded by a lack of fear of females. It is understandable that beautiful females are often feared by men and women alike, since females make up one half of the top predator species on planet earth (credit: David Clare). However, feminine persons cannot usually become very sexually aroused, nor can they feel safe with, men who are terrified of them. So a certain cockiness demonstrates a man’s lack of fear quite effectively.

The Funny part of Cocky and Funny is also necessary for maximum effect. The humor subcommunicates that – although the man is dominant over the woman – he is acting in such a manner as to consider her as an ally, with her feminine pleasure in mind.

If a man comes across as too Cocky, then he has complete disregard for the female, she cannot feel safe with such a man. And if she has high self esteem, she will demonstrate this by withdrawing from the man.

If a man comes across as too Funny, then he reveals his fear of women and his ass-kissing nature. He is in the role of court jester: perhaps somewhat entertaining in specific doses, but far beneath the King, or a real seducer like Charles Brandon, when it comes to winning the ladies’ affections.

The finish to this scene is wonderful, when Mary leans in and asserts that Charles’ teasing is proof of his great affection for her. Yes, his entire demeanor is arousing to her and demonstrates his desire for her in a powerful way. He not only desires to possess her body, but he is having visible effects on her heart and mind as well. The old but wise King of Portugal certainly reads the subcommunication here with crystal clarity. Do you?

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*footnote: According to Wikipedia, the producers of this TV series took great liberties with Mary Tudor’s character. According to Wikipedia:

The drama series The Tudors portrays Mary and Charles’s relationship, though the character is named Princess Margaret, and is a composite of Mary and her sister Margaret Tudor, portrayed by Gabrielle Anwar. Charles Brandon is portrayed by Henry Cavill. Many liberties have been taken with the story. For example, in the television series, Henry arranges his sister’s marriage with the aged King of Portugal, not of France, in the late 1520s. Margaret/Mary then kills her husband. Another fictitious sub-plot has Henry making Charles Brandon Duke of Suffolk so the latter would be of appropriate rank to give away Henry’s sister at her supposed wedding to the King of Portugal. In the story, the Tudor/Brandon marriage soon cools and no mention is made of their three children. Yet another discontinuity relates to Henry’s sister dying before Wolsey (who died in 1530).